“When the lion eats grass like an ox
And the gallinipper swallows the whale,
When the terrapin knits woolen socks
And the hare is outrun by the snail.
When serpents walk upright like men
And doodle bugs travel like frogs,
When grasshoppers feed on the hen
And feathers are found on the hogs,
When Thomas cats swim in the air,
And elephants roost upon trees,
When insects in summer are rare
And snuff never makes people sneeze.
When fish creep over dry land
And mules on bycicles ride,
When foxes lay eggs in the sand
And women in dress take no pride.
When Dutchmen no longer drink beer
And girls get to preaching on time,
When billy goats butt from the rear,
And treason is no longer a crime,
When the humming bird brays like a donkey
And limburger smells like cologne,
When plowshares are made out of monkeys
And the hearts of Alabamians are stone.”

-By Mr. James Barson in Age Herald, June 9th, 1908.